Ticketblaster

August 5, 2010

I like seeing live shows. Music, theatre, circus, performance art of that weird dude who dresses up (naked) like a dog and bites people, it’s all good. Makes life spicy.

The entertainment is great. But buying the tickets is awful.

A price tag was invented to do something wildly outrageous: to tell you, the consumer, the price of what you were buying. Not some arbitrary number that doesn’t include tax/shipping/fees/etc. Ticketmaster takes this lying, misleading, price tag thievery to a different level. I can guarantee that any ticket I buy will cost 10-25% more than listed. We’ve all bought tickets anyway, even after reading the “$27 convenience charge” or “$4 print-it-yourself fee”, and surrendering our dignity to suckle the sweet teat of capitalism, with a silent tear slipping quietly to the floor.

When you go to Sprinkles, they don’t say “Cupcakes 50c!” then wait for you to pull out your coin purse before crooning “plus $1.50 baking fee!”, then watching you scoff and chirping, “and a 85c happiness charge” and a “65c cholesterol offset tax”. They say “Cupcake, $3.50”.

And I damn well pay the dumb $3.50. Because cupcakes are delicious.

And if Tickemaster simply told me my $140 tickets to Treasure Island Music Festival were going to be $140 from the beginning instead of “$100… oh yeah plus a $39.95 cigar and aged whiskey fee so we can celebrate scamming you in appropriate fashion, tucked away in a cozy aspen lodge”, I’d still pay the damn money because festivals are fun.

I’m not asking them to lower the price. Things cost what they do. I’m just asking them not to lie to me. A price should be a price, not a starting point. Then I’d know how much to save, pay it happily, and not be filled with smoldering resentment at being scammed like a schmuck.

When I’m king of the world, a price will be a price. Unicorns will cost $infinity.

One Response to “Ticketblaster”

  1. Mahahahaha I agree love the graphic

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